suitcoatday.com

Chew Before Swallowing

here’s a poem i wrote for our former pretzel hating, god appointed commander-in-chief (no, i don’t write poetry often, i hate poetry, this was a class related exercise in college that i was FORCED to participate in and decided to run with it)

First month, year 2002 
Busy watching the game on TV 
My wife, entertainin’ guests- 

In the other room.

Me?
Entertainin’ a cold, frothy beer
Ari Fleischer, call ‘em Ari for short 
Took care of the press this morning
Got off the phone with Chertoff,
4 months in with the Bill,
Don’t want to think about that now
Pretzels, in a colorful bag
Red, Yellow, Green, Blue, Purple
Such queer packaging, gotta’ ask the staff
I love the three-looped knot…
Sprinkled coarsely with salt, glazed with lye
Who knew something industrious tasted good?

Miami scored!
I’ll drink to that, one sip
Commercial break, two sips
Need something to snack on, three sips
Pretzels…of course.

Silence.

Coughing, took a swig of beer, still coughing
COUGH, COUGH, COUGHING
CHOKING.
She’s in the other room, damn Laura.
Gasping for air, what’s that called?
Heimrich? Limerick? Limerick Maneuver?
Remote Control, lazily on the ground, didn’t see it
Down I go, face first into an authentic ivory table
Barney, Spot, daddy needs your help
Just remembered, live conference tomorrow
I swallowed it.

yes, i know, congrats for reading towards the very end.